Secret Smile

I am all for Utopia and believing that we should all look at each other as one race the human race. I believe in that very much and hold dear to it but the reality is yes we are the human race but we are different and with our differences we can still co-exist and love each other like my brother from another mother.

As a young black woman it is essential to know that I am black and embrace that.
If we are trying to look like something we are not then we will always be second. If we are going to compete in the white category then we are never going to be good enough because guess what we are not white. We have our own category and there is beauty in that, until we as black women realise that and start showing it to the world, the world (including black men) will still think there is only one category and hold us to those standard.

We automatically without thinking go through this world just complying with society and what the standard of beauty is. That system is flawed because it has only one category and we go through life trying to tick the boxes within that category sometimes subconsciously. We change a few things just to fit in to that category because the opposite of not being in is UGLY.

The reason for this post is that I was going through YouTube and came across a video titled “I’m sick of being told I’m pretty for a black girl…” and it got me thinking. This was not the first video of black women questioning why people think this way and come out with comments like this. I feel so strongly about this and I just think not enough black women get this. Tyra Banks did a few shows about this but it barely scratched the surface and became just another light entertainment.

I think if enough people get it things will start to change. The industry will start to change. Their will be more business investment in black cosmetics, more black models and presenters, a more interesting miss universe where they don’t all look the same just a different shade, people like India Arie and Lauryn Hill will sell more records, sales of weaves will plummet, i will be able to find the right shade of tights, women will go into work with their afros high and proud.

Its not just the industry that will change but generation of young black women will start to believe in themselves, start to see beauty and be bold and confident enough to go into the modeling industry just as they are.

We need to delete everything we think we know about beauty and start again. We need to write our own standard of beauty and realise that we are not the ugly duckling but a beautiful Swan.

I typed in Joyce Meyer on google today so I could get to her website and all this negative articles came up saying how she is full of errors in her message. Through reading some of this article I found myself on a Bob George is wrong blog.
I just got really fed up and had to say something this comment was not just about Bob George but all ministries out there who are facing attack. Here is my comment:

“Bible bashing other Christians work is not the way to go in helping people live a healthy Christian life. You have so much time on your hand, spread the message the way you think it should be instead of picking holes at someone else’s ministry. It makes me sad that instead of Christians uniting and bringing what they have heard from God they hate and criticise other Christians. When God ask you what you have done on this earth what will your response be:

We all have the Holy Spirit in us to discern based on the truth of the word. Are you better than the Holy Spirit? Then please don’t worry about Bob George but focus your energy on what God has to say.”

I am not saying any ministry is right or wrong, that has nothing to do with it. what matters is living your christian life the best God has shown you how, and that is through the bible, word of encouragement from people, christian books and resources and the Holy spirit within.

i know am a girl who loves to take pictures, who wants to play an instruments. currently dabbling in guitar, piano, recorder(flute), and the harmonics. i can not play a single one. i love music, i write songs and poems sometimes. i love singing but can’t carry a tune. i like watching and playing football and its not something i pretended i like just to get along with my brother its just something i always thought i can do better than the actual players on the field. i can’t play to save my life its all mouth no action. i am an arsenal supporter. favourite tv show is friends. i love the colour red so much my laptop is a ferrari model. i don’t wear make up it feels uncomfortable. i am not a tomboy i grew out of that when my boobs went into the D cup. i don’t like flowers more for my allergy reasons than for the cliche of it. i am scared of all living things purely for their mind. i cant dance or perhaps i can am just to shy by all the people in the room. i have never had a long term relationship with a guy not even a relationship. i like to show affection i just fear rejection too much. part of my childhood traumas.i have a lot of guy friends but thats where it stops. i shy away from a relationship whenever its right in front of me i immediately turn it into friendship, i dont know why. i hate shopping for clothes i start to moan to my sis if where in a shop too long. i know something is missing in my life i wont know what it is until i find it. i believe in God am a christian and i don’t push my beliefs on other. i only talk if you ask me about him.
slowly but surely i am getting to know, love and respect myself. this is a new year that i shall make the most of. i will try to have as much fun and experience as i can this year

Boulevard Of Broken Dreams
by Green Day

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don’t know where it goes
But its home to me and I walk alone

My shadow’s only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart’s the only thing that’s beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Til then I walk alone

feel like this is coming out of my mouth *Sigh* really hits home

In a world gone mad only a lunatic is trully insane - Homer (Simpson)

In a world gone mad only a lunatic trully make sense - me

smiling is infectious; you catch it like the flu, when someone smiled at me today, I started smiling too. I passsed around the corner and someone saw my grin when he smiled i realized I’d passed it on to him. i thought about that smile then i realized its worth, a single smile, just like mine could travel round the earth. so if you feel a smile begin, dont’t leave it undetected lets start an epidemic quick and get the world infected!

i don’t actually know who started this little poem but i loved it from when i first read it in a book called social ntelligence. I went out smiling but soon it went away from memory. thats why i ‘ll keep this near so i can go out smiling again.

Talib Kweli album cover

Black Girl Pain by Talib Kweli
(feat. Jean Grae)

[Talib Kweli]
I do it for the people, I do it for the love
I do it for the poet, I do it for the thug
This is for victory, and this is for the slaughter
I do it for my mother, I do it for my daughter
Promise I’ll always love ya, I love to kiss and hug ya
You and your brother should be lookin out for one another
I’m so blessed, man, y’all the reason I got up
Somebody put his hands on you I’m gettin locked up
I’m not playin, that’s the prayer I’m sayin for Diani
And if I die then she’ll be protected by Amani
That’s her bigger brother and I love the way he love her
She a girly-girl, she love to imitate her mother
But she a Gemini, so stay on her friendly side
She’ll put that look on you, it’s like somebody friend just died
My pretty black princess smell sweet like that incense
That you buy at the bookstore supporting black business
Teach her what black is; the fact is her parents are thorough
She four reading Cornrows by Camille Yarborough
I keep her hair braided, bought her a black Barbie
I keep her mind free; she ain’t no black zombie
This is for Aisha, this is for Kashera
This is for Khadijah scared to look up in the mirror
I see the picture clearer thru the stain on the frame
She got a black girl name, she livin black girl pain
This is for Makeba, and for my mamacita
What’s really good, ma? I’ll be your promise-keeper
I see the picture clearer thru the stain on the frame
She got a black girl name, she livin black girl pain

[Hook]
My mama said life would be this hard
Growin up days as a black girl scarred
In every way still we’ve come so far
They just know the name they don’t know the pain
So please hold your heads up high
Don’t be ashamed of yourself know I
Will carry it forth til the day I die
They just know the name they don’t know the pain black girl

I would just like to say i don’t see myself as black i see myself as a unique human being the colour of my skin is seun(my name). when u say am black make sure you are clear what you mean. black as in my personality or black as in the colour of my skin. neither are a correct term. i will not correct you if you get it wrong but i will have a perception of you built in my head. i am also not an ethnic minority. i love this talib kweli song above a very powerful song. “This is for Khadijah scared to look up in the mirror”. many things said that really gets you thinking. “They just know the name they don’t know the pain black girl”. i just know the the name i dont know the pain and am percieved as black but i wont go into my train of thought on that issue.

You can listen to it here at my radioblog